Hindsight
by Arastas
Summary: He’s her biggest weakness, but far from her only one. Series of 100 word drabbles, various characters and pairings.
1. Edward, Bella, Jasper, Jacob, Rosalie

_Edward: Comet_  
She's a streak of brilliancy in his night sky. She's blinding to him, a laughing comet blushing and stumbling her way into his life. When he steps back, lets the meteor fall out of his line of sight, he can't quite blink her afterimage away. She's liquid moonshine under his eyelids; she's in his head, in his heart; he can't stop seeing her, no matter what he does. Her glowing face follows him, but it's her light vanishing over the horizon that haunts him. She's left crisscrossing trails of bliss behind his lids, and he can't see the stars anymore.

_Bella: Weakness_  
He's her biggest weakness, but far from her only one. Her compassion, her need to protect, her willingness to sacrifice, all make her an easy target. But with him around, she's practically got a bull's-eye painted on her forehead. Their love is so apparent, so obvious and so _there_, that anyone with ill intent can clearly see the way to get to her. Her loved ones are always her first concern; she would gladly give her life to protect any of them. In fact, she already has. She's already an open door, but it never hurts to have the key.

_Jasper: Hands_  
He hates his hands. They're not literally bloodstained anymore, but the scars, physical and emotional, are proof enough of what he's done. These hands have killed, have murdered humans and immortals alike, have been instruments of dead-hearted slaughter. They look so innocent, folded placidly in his lap, but he knows better than to let himself be fooled by appearances. He hates the long, elegant fingers that once wore blood like a pair of form-fitting gloves; he hates the light fists that can snap necks so easily. But most of all, he hates the way his hands look next to hers.

_Jacob/Bella: Sun_  
Just one smile, one single ray of sunlight, breaks through her clouds. The rest of him promptly follows, slipping easily past her barriers, shining straight into her broken heart. He's warm and cheerful, a stark but welcome contrast to what she knows, to the icy, restrained love she's used to. He's pleased that he's different; he wants to make his own place in her heart, not fill someone else's. She's grateful, too-- No painful memories this way, only new ones, pleasant hours whiled away in blissful togetherness. He's got his own special nook in her heart, and he knows it.

_Rosalie: Strength_  
Everyone assumes that he's there to protect her, to be her strength. But she's perfectly capable of defending herself, and not just from physical attacks. Her tenacity is a learned thing, built from years of loneliness and resentment. Too much hurt. She's bitter but caring, vain but maternal. Too little love. She relies on that inner strength more than she lets on. She detests the idea of having to curl into a ball for protection. So she retreats inside herself, drawing on her incredible self-preservation and stubborn hope. She just wishes someone had been there to vote no for her.

* * *

**I have about 35 deep, introspective drabbles, most of them exactly one hundred words, written down in my fanfiction binder. (Yes, I have a binder. Don't laugh.) They've been begging to be typed up, so I finally did. As you can see, they're all kind of vague, with no names or anything. Hence the titles. And, of course, I ripped off the books with the ideas for Edward's and Jacob's, as well as the last line of Rosalie's.**

**Nope. Don't own Twilight. **


	2. Nessie, Jacob, Alice, Esme, Carlisle

_Renesmee: Contradiction_  
She's the accidental daughter, the impossible child, the mistake. She shouldn't exist, and she knows it. They all love her dearly, but she's an abomination, a paradox. He loves her, but only because he's forced to. It's nothing he can help. In fact, he would probably hate her otherwise. She wishes he did. Her mother seems to get all the love, and she's ashamed of her envy. It's wrong, she knows, and misguided, but she's jealous. Her mother has the tragic story, the forbidden romance, the warring lovers-- And a daughter whose very existence goes against nature. She hates it.

_Jacob: Obligation_  
It would all be happy endings and butterflies from here on out, but he wasn't so sure he wanted to let go of the past. She had been his world, had been his moon and his sun and everything in between. The idea that there was something else, another, greater, force, that tethered him to this Earth that he now knew was not her, but merely a sphere of dirt and grass beneath his feet, disturbed him greatly. It hurt his heart, too. Suddenly, the very air he breathed tasted of his obligation. But all he wanted was his love.

_Alice: Facade_  
It was all an act, of course. As soon as the others were out of sight (or mind-hearing range, sometimes), the tiny shoulders slumped dejectedly, delicate smile sliding off her elfin features. She would sit for hours on end, brooding. She'd stare; she'd weep. Always tearlessly. Always silent, always unmoving. Playing the happy little pixie was strenuous, and it got to her sometimes. She longed to peel the mask away, to let them see her for who she was, but of course they would not accept her. They loved Alice Cullen. None of them had ever met Mary Alice Brandon.

_Esme: Regret_  
Sometimes, she finds herself longing for a normal life. For a few healthy human babies, for a peaceful existence in the right time period. Occasionally, she even finds herself wishing that she had never thrown herself off that cliff. She wishes her old life back sometimes, stillborn child and all. She would have dealt with the hardships and the heartache, if only to remain blissfully ignorant. To stay human, and relatively happy, is a convenience she once took for granted and now will never know. But then she looks at him, and knows she wouldn't have it any other way.

_Carlisle: Light_  
Beneath the acceptance and the careful control, he still hates himself. He despises what he is, not what he's become. He can't see himself as civilized, as a person. He looks at the monsters he's created, at the ignorant nightmares laughing around him. He sees only the horror, only the darkness. He sees the deaths he's caused, the lives he's ruined. He sees himself as he was, and longs for it with all his still heart. He sees what he is now, and thinks he should have killed himself then. He sees himself, but he fails to see the light.

* * *

**So, I've had these first two chapters typed up for a while, and figured I might as well post them while I'm home and have the time. Expect the next few to be up soon, given that I'm really sick right now and will probably be home for a little. Dx**

**Comments? Questions? Concerns? Please call 1-800-REVIEW-BUTTON with your feedback. **

**STILL don't own anything. **


	3. Emily, JakeNessie, Leah, Jacob, BxJxN

_Emily: Bittersweet_  
It's funny, in a cruel, ironic sort of way. No one ever thinks of how _I _feel. It's all about Leah's bitterness, or Sam's guilt… Even though I'm the center of it all, the root, the cause. I'm guilty, of course. It's all my fault; I'm responsible for Leah's pain. I'm also bitter, though, and not just because I ruined their lives. I never had a choice. No choice in who I love, in how I live… As much as I hate to whine, it's not fair. They'd all be happier without me. So much love, but it's not fair.

_Jake/Nessie: Inverse_  
They're nature, moon and sun, fire and ice. Opposites, burning, freezing, clashing, beautiful. A battle rages inside of her, too: Born a twisted paradox, raised by vampires, with a werewolf for a lover. She looks at their intertwined fingers, sees the startling contrast there, creamy pale against sun-tanned russet. Their personalities, on the other hand, could not be more alike, or farther apart. He is laid-back and cheerful where she is obsessive and anxious. He is forward and up-front where she is blushing and shy. But they are both bold, fiery, and passionate: One soul, really, but in two vessels.

_Leah: Nightmares_  
The nightmares are the worst part. She still has them sometimes. They're the only things she spares from the pack, intentionally locking the memories away in the corner of her mind. She hopes foolishly but desperately that not letting the others see them will somehow prevent _her_ from seeing them. It hasn't worked yet. It's the abandonment that scares her, the total loneliness, more reinforcement of her complete inability to be loved. Sam, her father, Seth… Everyone she ever thought cared about her left, in some form or another. And in that same horrid way, the nightmares have become reality.

_Jacob: Wound_  
Her words are poisoned honey, but she's knocked the arsenic into them without realizing it (another spectacular feat of clumsiness). He knows she'll be guilt-ridden when she fins out, so he treats the symptoms, and never shows any of his true pain around her. His cocky sureness, his joking advances-- They're all flimsy and insubstantial bandages over the gaping wounds she's given him, directly to his heart, and quite by accident, too. He changes them often, sees the blood-soaked cloth, smells the hot metallic tang of love leaving his body. And she thought _he_ was carving a hole in _her_.

_Bella/Jake/Nessie: Grounded_  
She wants to go as a vampire for Halloween. She thinks it's funny. She really is only a child. Very immature, in some ways. Not the responsible adult his first love is at heart. Getting more middle-aged every year, he recalls. In a way, he needed her level-headedness to temper his free spirit, to keep him grounded. With this new love, this obligation, they're both liable to float away at any given moment. She's fine with that; in her young mind, they can stay up there forever. But her mother made him realize that everyone has to come down sometime.

* * *

**This chapter** **has my first attempts at the whole Leah/Sam/Emily triangle, as well as my first Jake/Nessie anything, since I really hate her. The last one, obviously, is a very bitter take on the whole Bella/Jacob/Nessie thing. I still have a lot of resentment left over from reading Breaking Dawn.**

**I don't own Twilight, and frankly, I'm glad of that. (I'd be ashamed to have written BD.) **


	4. Emmett, Jasper, Marcus, Paul, Jacob

_Emmett: Carefree_  
He doesn't hate this life the way the rest of them do. They don't understand how he can be so carefree about the whole thing. Living in a bloodbath, she called it once. How he can laugh that off is beyond her. But he knows. He remembers the attack, the bear, in startling detail. He can't tell you the colors of the leaves, if it was day or night, or even what time of the year it was. Just the bear lunging, all the blood, and then his savior. That's what he wants to do: Play savior for the bears.

_Jasper: Inside_  
It's not insensitivity, nor is it vanity. It's not really fear, just the trembling stumble of an overwhelmed mind. It gets to be too much for him sometimes, and he has trouble keeping it all inside. She helps, of course, but only to a certain extent. There's only so much _she_ can take, after all. And who wants to burden a love? So he holes up in a corner and hides from it all. It's far too difficult to explain, even to her. She tries to understand, but no one can. Not even he's sure he does so much anymore.

_Marcus: Empty_  
Loss is nothing new to him. This emptiness is. He's never felt so alone in his existence. Before he met her, there was no void. When he did, a pit opened up in his stomach, an aching hole only she could fill. She did, with laughter, love, hope, and joy. All that love, all those dreams, went up in purple smoke he never saw. And the pit opened again; this time it was a gaping wound—raw hurt. He's utterly incomplete without her, utterly useless. No matter how long this shell lives, the only part worth knowing is long dead.

_Paul: Anger_  
The anger he's dealt with his whole life. Never before, though, has it been so crucial to control it. He used to be able to let it wash over him, embrace the feeling until it passed, calm himself by holding onto it. Now it's the red haze he grabs by mistake, the spine-wracking spasms of pure emotion. Pain shoots through him, coupled with vindictive joy, and he welcomes it with guilty relief. A blur of silver fur and impossible speed, a beast with no human regrets or obligations—That's what he longs to become. But even with anger, nobody's perfect.

_Jacob: Title_  
She's always holding herself together, and he constantly tries to fill that hole, even though he knows he'd rather have his own place. He hates the idea of keeping someone else's seat warm, of filling in temporarily. He wants to be a permanent fixture, to be himself, not just the guy who hung around while her knight in shining armor was off slaying his dragons. He's a person, not a replacement. But no matter how she thinks of him, he's just glad she thinks of him at all. He's content to be anything she needs him to. Only for her.

* * *

***dodges thrown objects* Sorry for not updating! I've just been really busy, and this story has kinda taken the brunt of my neglect. I realized I don't have very many of these drabbles written that I actually like. I'm dissatisfied with many of them, and don't want to post them. I even contemplated deleting this, but then I found five more halfway decent ones, and I figured if I can get myself writing them more, I should be okay. I'm big on the short oneshot drabbles now more than the hundred word ones, but I'm going to write more of these, I promise. I finished another one last night. *throws confetti* It's not that good, but it's one more! Okay, yeah, anyway...**

**I felt Emmett deserved his own drabble, but I don't have a clue where I went with that. It didn't turn out how I wanted at all. Jasper's is just sort of about the strain of so many emotions, and dealing with it all, and stuff... Eh, just more angst, basically. Marcus's is about his wife. *sniffles* Poor guy still doesn't know how she died... (Read SM's website if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about. It's in the BD FAQ.) Paul is, well, Paul. And Jacob is just devoting himself completely to Bella and being all sweet and angsty and loving... *turns more and more Team Jacob* Ahem. Team Switzerland FTW! Maybe. Anyway, yup. There you have it.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. *sigh***

**And my apologies for the super-long author's note.  
**


	5. BxJ, JxB, Renesmee, Renesmee, Bella

_Bella/Jacob: Run_  
Guilt weighs her down. It's heavy upon her back, another burden she carries. It slows her progress, gradually eating away at her mind. It gnaws on her will, chews her resilience and bites at her sanity until she can't think straight, can't breathe for the oppressive mass draped darkly about her shoulders. And then she's running, body and mind. Away from all she knows, back to all she's lost. She runs madly, guiltily, despite her dwindling stamina. She fuels herself with that guilt, that madness, and above all with the mad, guilty hope that he'll wait until she runs back.

_Jacob/Bella: Madness_  
He's worried he's going insane. She's all he can think about, day and night. Every time he closes his eyes, her image appears behind his lids, flickering slightly but still clear. Her laugh sounds constantly in his ears; her words play in his head, looping endlessly. The way her eyes dance when she smiles, the tiny sharp gasp she inhales when she's surprised. The matching twinge of pain he feels when she cries. The need to comfort her, to make her happy, the overwhelming desire to see her flashing-eyed smile again. And then he's forced to wonder: Is love madness?

_Renesmee: Unnatural_  
Whispers crowd her mind. Dark ones, doubtful ones. Soft and sibilant voices telling her that no, all is not well. Nothing will turn out right, not for her. Because what could possibly go right for a creature so wrong? What deity would think to bestow favor upon a twisted, filthy abomination like herself? What could ever make her worthy of a relatively happy existence? She doesn't deserve peace, the whispers remind her. That's reserved for others, for natural beings, for those who _belong_ here. Not for nature-defying mutants like her. She hasn't earned love, so why should she expect it?

_Renesmee: Ugly_  
She stares into the mirror, appalled by what she sees. The glass reflects a beautiful young woman: Unblemished translucent skin, wide sorrel eyes, full lips. A proud forehead, well-defined cheekbones, a small straight nose. Glossy auburn curls. And something else. A rare quality, something ancient, something striking. To her, something ugly. In her mind she is hideous, a mess of a creature who shouldn't exist, who deserves to be shunned and feared by society. She looks into the mirror, and all she sees is the strange, impossible mixture that runs through her veins, showing dark blue-purple against her slender wrist.

_Bella: Expectations_  
She feels ready to slam her head against a wall. _This isn't how it was supposed to happen._ She has her happy ending, her blissful eternity, but this isn't what she wanted. What she planned, thought through with meticulous precision. She could have had the perfect amount of pain and sorrow, balanced by loving forgiveness. Now there's too much love and not enough pity, and the spotlight has moved. She saw it through hoping more sympathy would come, more attention. But not this. Not that she'd be _replaced_ in so many aspects. Not that her world wouldn't need her anymore.

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**At this point, I can only plead with you not to hate me.  
**

**I'd basically run out of ideas for these, but last night I had a sudden burst of inspiration. My apologies to fans of Edward and Renesmee, but they're basically all Jacob/Bella or Nessie-hating, as you may have noticed. Anyway, the first one is just Bella feeling guilty and awful about what she did to Jake and running back to him in the beginning of BD, or whenever; the second one is Jacob worrying he's going crazy because he's in love with Bella. Numero tres centers around Renesmee hating herself, a favorite topic of mine, as does the fourth one. The final drabble in this set is Bella hating Renesmee, another one I love, as well as bitching selfishly about losing all the attention. So, yay.**

**Disclaimer: Think about it. Would I _want_ to own Renesmee?  
**


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